The Sounder's Board

Applegate Returns.

2005-08-18T16:10:00.000-04:00

I'm talking Fiona Apple, not Apple computers, and Fiona's album Extraordinary Machine finally being released.

The press release coming out of Fiona and SONY's camp says that it wasn't SONY Execs did not waylay the record, that Ms. Apple herself is the reason for the delay, saying that Fiona just wasn't happy with the original release ... right. I'm pretty sure that anyone with half of George W. Bush's pudding cup of a brain would have much rather released a record produced by Jon Brion than whomever the record label would choose.

The Jon Brion produced leak of EM could have been record of the year. but the new version is produced by ... wait for it ... drum roll ...

Mike Elizondo. If you don't know who Elizondo is ... be glad. The biggest claim to fame he has at this point is being a co-producer on three tracks of Encore, the worst album Eminem might ever release. Those tracks ("Never Enough", "Just Lose It" and "Ass like that.") were all equally shitty pockmarks on the eardrums of the populus.

My initial reaction to hearing Elizondo's reworking of "Oh Sailor," (available via links here, along with all the news from Fiona on her own website) which is supposedly the only track from the original leak of EM was ... JESUS CHRIST THIS SUCKS ASS IN COMPARISON.

Just get the original leak from a friend while we all wait for the new EM to be leaked, and the masses of critics and hipsters hate it by instict for the sake of the hip cred.*

*Was that a cop-out you just saw? Might be. Just me protecting my ass in case the rest of the album is somehow better than the already released song. This is Fiona Apple we're talking about. Anything can happen.

If You Don't Know Who This Man Is ...

2005-08-01T21:32:00.000-04:00

If you havn't recognized him, you need to click here, and buy this album now.

I went to get groceries at the Eckerds diagonally across the street just now and one of the items I picked up was the new issue of Rolling Stone magazine. I try not to pay for it myself (usually some relative has given me a subscription, but that's not the case anymore) but since it had the above man on the cover, I was surprised and bit on the line and put the magazine in my basket.

I hate to play the "Old Man" card here, and as much as it's not factually true as you will see, I will sound like an curmudgeonous asshole. First though, here's the magazine I bought:

The first thing that the girl who rang me up at the counter said to me was "he looks kinda like Michael Jackson."

Shocked, I said "You mean old Michael Jackson, right? The 'Before' Michael, not the 'After' Michael?"

She smiles and says "Yeah."

Her manager laughs.

Then the clerk drops the bombshell.

"Who is he?"

She didn't know who Jimi Hendrix is. This is going to happen more and more the older I get, but the funnier thing is, she was older than I am, easily by two years.

I tried to explain to her that he's Jimi Hendrix. That he's a guitar god. She doesn't remember anything. I leave, shaking my head.

Give me some time to digest the news.

The Apple Store, problematic.

2005-07-30T11:09:00.000-04:00

Apple Store "geniuses" hard at work explaining to a customer that the silhouette people from iPod commercials don't come with the iPod

The SoHo Apple Store, only 4 blocks from my apartment, is becoming for me what Starbucks is for coffee junkies.

I've gone there easily twice a week for the past month, and my trips have not been leisurely expenditures of time. I have emerged from my times there with a joke though:

How do you distract every single person in the apple store without a single computer?

Have one of those scary plastic-surgeried-looking women from HBO's The Bunny Ranch walking around in next to nothing. It will take you 23 minutes to have a product returned to you.

Jumpy-eyed Genius Bar "geniuses" aside, my trip to the Apple store have been hit-or-miss with a 50% success rate. The reason behind this exact rate is attributed to the fact that I'm willing to wake up at six o'clock in the morning.

The SoHo Apple Store, like many others, is now willing to open their doors at six a.m. for the use of only their genius bar. I've had to do this three times so far, and surprisingly, it's worth it. One of the main problems in my eye that the Apple Store Genius Bar has, is the tense air of frustration that floats above the people waiting for service. People wait for the geniuses for too long, and that frustration makes everybody that much more grumpy. But at six in the morning, as long as that IV of caffeeine is plugged in my mouth, I'm not frustrated at all: no wait times, the geniuses are happier (to quote one of them, it's because now, there are more of us than there are of you.) and this means my problem will be dealt with fast and I'll emerge not long thereafter, satisfied.

The rest of the day though, after 9:30 am when the rest of the store opens, everybody who thinks there is a single problem with their iPod or other iProduct storms the genius bar, or makes an appointment online for a genius. Not long thereafter, the Genius Bar will get behind schedule. By 5pm, when most people get off work and show up, the genius bar is abour an hour behind schedule. Nobody wants to hear that the effort they took to make an appointment is now for not, and that they're gonna have to call home and tell their roommates or family to push dinner back by a whole hour.

My suggestions:
- More "geniuses"
- Make less appointments
- Free water*

* I didn't mention this, but I think it would just be a sign of good intention.

Zombie Movies Will Save Us All

2005-06-28T00:19:00.000-04:00

Or at least make these miserably slow summer days pass with a few more gasps, chuckles, and "GOD DAMN, I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY JUST DID THAT" moments.

I saw Land of the Dead, the new film from the Zombie Movie Alpha & Omega himself, George A. Romero. I saw it for the second time, this time with my friend Eric Dawson. Usually, I let people in on the fact that it's my Xth time seeing a movie, but with this feature, I thought it might be wise for me to act aloof. Every time I knew something splendidly violent was gonna happen, which happens a lot, I did not act like I expected it.

Everyone in the movie does their role and does their function justice. The lead, a no-name whose name I don't want to even bother IMDB with, is badass, righteous and funny. The sidekick was a good mix of being mentally weak yet perfectly loyal and quick with a gun. Asia Argento played the femme fatale and was very hot and very dangerous and even a bit of this gentle human perfection feeling I couldn't get enough of. Dennis Hopper ... what more do I have to say, except that the man is a god on the Earth's soil. Finally: John Leguizamo, cheers my friend, you done well. Oh, and I did bother IMDB with looking up the name of the actor who played the big-tough-macho-man, the samoan known as Pillsbury, Pedro Miguel Arce - this is one funny motherfucker.

The Zombies --- oh lord, Romero has one sick mind. For instance, the Fip-Top Zombie in the garage might have the best 1-2 punch moment in the whole movie. Big Daddy aka The Lead Zombie is the first attempt I've seen at a full zombie character where we never even see the person when they were amongst the living. He wants just what anybody else in the underbelly of the film's society wants: to be on the top and to not be pestered anymore by anyone else. He's just looking for peace, and when you fuck with him, he learns how to use another new weapon, so it's in your interest not to fuck with Big Daddy.

If you're into the horror scene, this movie is such a must see, I'd bet you've already seen it. And if you have the stomach for violent blood bath films, I'd definitely recommend it.

Sean P, in need of a little Guidance.

2005-06-27T10:29:00.000-04:00

On the cover of Monkey Barz, we see an illustration of Sean Price, aka Ruck of Heltah Skeltah, in a swarm of gorillas. one yells "Sean," and another bellows "Price!". When the cover alone inspires the first "What the hell?" of a listening, you know something's wrong. This album, is apeshit.

When Sean Price says that his newest release is called Monkey Barz during the intro track "Peep My Words," I was looking for some kind of explanation for the title. Why he would be referring to the jungle gym structure that we hung from as kids. The lack of explanation is a common theme on the album, no reason why he leaves the rest of his last name off when he bellows that he's "SEAN PEEEE." I guess he forgot what he was doing and started thinking about the urinal. But then again nobody explains shit, like what the G in G-Unit stands for.

And I bet he can't explain to me what an Onion Head is, and as fun as the 3rd track on the record seems, it's completely without anything close to a theme, except for the "I'm the best so fuck you," style that Price does slightly better than most.

And why the hell is a song from GTA 3, which came out 5 years ago, the bonus track on the album? The back of the cd jewel case doesn't even specify which GTA the song was the theme for, it took the repetition of Agilah's name for me to remember that was the song from liberty city. This shit is getting about as old as erectile disfunction pills commercials.

As I said, Price does the "I'm the shit" game better than a lot of the cats around right now, but there's nothing else remarkable or compelling about the record. If you're gonna rap with a hard, boastful, over-the-top nature and be ambiguous about your theme or message, do it over the top and release a Purple Haze, don't take yourself so rucking seriously. There's almost nothing compelling about this album or Price himself. He's got skills, granted, but a lot of others do to and give you actual reason to listen. Songs with focuses for example.

The only song on Monkey Barz with a real focus is "I Love You (Bitch)", you probably don't need me to explain said focus as that's a focus that got worn out a long time ago.

Breaking News, the IFC SNAFU

2005-06-18T22:29:00.000-04:00

I think I'm gonna call this, the I.F.C. S.N.A.F.U.. This is a story still developing ...

IFC just opened their first theater, renovating the old Waverly theater in New York City. It's on 6th avenue and 3rd street, and it looked perfect on paper. No commercials, short films, and an advisory board that includes names like Linklater, Cuaron, and Smith (Kevin Smith, that is). I saw Me And You And Everyone We Know there on it's opening night, which was awesome (review pending) not only for the movie, but for the Q&A with director/writer/star Miranda July and the fact that I got her autograph later on that night. There was only one difference from the way it looked on paper and how it actually went down.

There was a giant inflated rat outside of the theater. For New Yorkers, this scary fucking rat is nothing, we see it all the time. It's a sign that some Union Workers are pissed off. In the case of the IFC Center, the screen projectionists union is heavily pissed off that the IFC has decided not to hire unionized projectionists. The unionized projectionists picketed the theater for the opening weekend, which is still going on. I was okay with this actually, I just thought, "hey, the IFC is a private company and can hire whomever they want."

I was so pleased with the presentation of Me And You, that I decided to go back again for a second night, and I saw Don't Look Back, the influential Bob Dylan documentary. The General Manager greeted the audience before the movie and was very nice, told us how this was a brand new 35mm print and all yadda yadda yadda, and the audience was excited.

The lights went down, the movie started.

But then soon after the movie started, it kept stopping. The image would disappear and the house lights would come on.

Every time the movie restarted, it was always a couple moments later, completely disrupting the flow of the movie.

And then the sound got really shitty. Some humming noise.

It took 4 times for them to get it right, and then the General Manager came in and told us that we could opt to leave and get a refund and a free pass to another screening of the movie. So I took the option, I left, and I did not look back.

Maybe this was a freak accident, but the IFC seriously needs to do something. I couldn't get any facts from the management about what exactly happened, but I'm going to try and talk to the manager tomorrow and bring you guys an update.

Batman Begins, this time, it's done right

2005-06-15T03:41:00.000-04:00

I've just come home from Batman Begins, and I've got some good news and some bad news, and that is the kind of verdict you should be expecting. This is a good movie, and a very good superhero movie. The difference you might wonder, aside from the tights, is a set of expectations critics always lower for movies of the superhero/action variety. And seeing the downward spiral this movie franchise has been enduring, it's easy to walk into the theater and hope that it's at least better than Batman & Robin.

As with most super-hero flicks, Batman Begins fails mostly within it's script. You can see that the actors are trying their hardest, but with a screenplay that is a series of maxims and proverbs, there are moments when even the talents of Michael Caine and Liam Neeson seem as hollow as the cheapest chocolate easter bunny. This is not to say that the grocery list of proverbs that writers Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer always fail. Often times they can work and are moving, but when they are not, the dialogue tends to erode the film around it.

Batman Begins works for the most part to tell the story of Bruce Wayne, from his first contact with bats to the time when he is completely one with his cape and cowl. Christian Bale does the job perfectly, capturing every aspect of Wayne. From his arrogance, to his frustration, to his dedication, to his charm, Bale does Wayne better than any man to don the outfit before him.

A few cast members that may get lost in the shuffle (due to small roles that were done exceptionally well) that need noting are Linus Roache and Richard Brake. As Dr. Thomas Wayne (Bruce's father) and Joe Chill (the man that killed both of Bruce's parents one fateful night), these two gave us characters that not only were able to relax and breathe (unlike many others), but actually felt realistic. Also, I need to say that I was surprised how good Katie Holmes was. I had no faith in her going into this, and her character, Rachel Dawes, turned out to be a favorite.

The special effects are also wonderful, mostly when capturing the effects of the fear-hallucinogen that Dr. Jonathan Crane/The Scarecrow (played by Cillian Murphy) uses as a weapon. We see an exaggerated image of what the victim fears the most, and the special effects crew works in some excellent video effects to hammer home the fear.

This is definitely a movie to see, but not the filmic advancement in the Comic Book Movie genre that some critics are claiming. And if I can be so bold, I have to declare this the best of the Bat-Flicks so far. Respect and credit must also be given to Frank Miller, as uncredited as he was in the end credits, the film takes a lot of inspiration from Miller's Batman storyline Batman: Year One. Gary Oldman's James Gordon, and many other aspects of the movie are taken right out of those pages. Nice coat, Nolan, nice coat.

This is something to blog about.

2005-06-09T10:02:00.000-04:00

June 28th, I'll be seeing The Roots, De La Soul and MF Doom at Central Park. Should be a blast and a half, even if The Roots are wack(IE still in THE TIPPING POINT mode), you can depend on the other two.

Who the hell are you people and ...

2005-06-07T09:05:00.000-04:00

What have you done with Jack and Meg White? But hey, while you're here, stick around.

6 Tracks in, and my reaction is still shock. This band that calls themselves T.W.S. is not the one we're used to. Maybe this album will be less forgettable.

This shit is bananas.

2005-06-06T08:43:00.000-04:00

A quick note to MTV/VH1: fix your damn morning program lineups. You're both playing videos that the other just played. It's ridonkulous.

Welcome to the layer cake, son.

2005-05-30T06:37:00.000-04:00

Every couple of years, the British import one of their gangster movies to prove that they can do just about everything (save for Rap Music) better than Americans can, and Layer Cake is just the latest piece of proof in that continuing battle. Led by Daniel Craig, the man who will apparently be the next James Bond, Layer Cake had come with a lot of press claiming it had a lot of old fashioned stylized action. That Craig was also reminiscent of his coolness Steve McQueen. And while I think Craig has a couple movies to prove worthy to that parallel, his performance is definitely worth note. His character is an ice cool-cold cocaine dealer in a chaotic system of the European Union's craziest characters. Cake has your grey haired masterminds and it's greasy haired wannabe gangstas and they're both getting in Craig's way. Also getting in the way of Craig's best laid plans is a million pills of ecstasy, which sends everybody in batshit spirals.

Layer Cake is also the first time I've seen Colm Meaney, a national treasure of Ireland, on screen in quite some time. He plays Gene, a mentor to Craig, with a gun rack big enough to take over the game. Gene cares about Craig's character, but does not treat his with baby gloves when he fucks up, ready to throw down whenever it comes to that. Another supporting actor I thought was worthy of note was George Harris, who played Morty, the bodyguard who did a dime up the river (ten years in jail). Harris' performance is subtle, you see how tired Morty is in his old age, but when push comes to shove (or a figure of his past returns), Morty becomes a fireball of punches and kicks.

In conclusion, check out Layer Cake, at your local independent theater. And if it's not there right now, pick it up on DVD, when it eventually hits the US.

"Pop?"

2005-05-29T21:41:00.000-04:00

So, I claimed this would be a blog for Pop Culture Criticism, and I don't mean that in the way one might think.

When I say Pop Culture, I don't mean pop music. I was influenced to use the term Pop, as that's what the New Yorker uses to describe Sasha Frere Jones' position at their paper. Pop Music is the title that goes above Jones' articles, and he talks about bands as obscure as Mountain Goats. "Pop Culture" seemed like a good title. As well as the fact that I've always carried the odd title of "Pop Culture Junkie Loudmouth."

I've reviewed generally well known stuff at this point, but that will not always be the case. The next article I'm writing is about Layer Cake the new independant British gangster film. I'm not going to take the time to slam Star Wars 3, as it's been done already, and the movie is not hot topic anymore. And who wants to give that monstrosity any more attention?

Meta Entry

2005-05-25T17:47:00.000-04:00

So yeah, this isn't the first place the phrase "The Sounder's Board" was used, that was an article in the Observer about a year ago. I've wanted to do something like this blog for a while, and only knew the form it would take for about a few months. It might get a real format sooner or later, like something I play a crucial part along with the HTML help of Ben Popik.

The whole nature of this website will be a place for me to write and post 500-or-so-word reviews, many of them, so I can keep myself on my toes while there's no big article or paper to write, also something to put on a resume maybe. As you can see below, I'll review everything from movies to music to television. Hell, I'll probably post some reviews of food. Maybe the guys of Binge and Purge, a food review radio show my friends make, would help with that.

The reviews I have coming up in the next few days are Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Script, Demon Days the new album from The Gorillaz; and the next movie I plan to see, which will either be Layer Cake or Unleashed.

Publications/Websites I reccomend are Wired, The Onion, and Salon.com.

Common: The Album Be and a Performance @ Tower Records on 5/24/05

2005-05-25T13:54:00.000-04:00

Way before I saw Crash yesterday, I rushed to my local record store to pick up the new CD by Common, Be. Along with the record I was given a blue wristband and was told to return for a 6 PM performance. When I got home, and put on the CD, I was welcomed by an album that deserved all the hype it had gotten.

The intro builds you up so well, after some acoustic bass string picking builds into sample that is surprisingly 8 bit. Which thankfully takes the background as a much stronger version of said sample with actual instrumentation, and then Common takes to the mic with a rousing couple of verses that ends in what he claims to be the message of the album: "never looking back / or too far in front of me / the present is a gift / and I just want to be." The album is a very good step forward from Electric Circus, with that said I have to say that I do not hate on EC because of it's "different" sound. The problem that EC had in such obvious spades, was inconsistency. I've tried to go back and listen it it multiple times, but the damn thing just jumps around too damn much for it to be listenable.

The instore performance and Be share the exact opposite quality though, as Common now has a center in his performances and knows how to weave in and out of it. When he came out to take the microphone, the crowd had been waiting for 40 minutes more than it was supposed to, and had been waiting in the dreary NYC rain. But if there is any performer who could part the clouds and shine some light on 'em, Common is that artist. His performance was basically all of Be, with the exception of some tracks, but it felt like he played them all. Sadly "GO!" was one of the songs he performed, and it is also going to be the next single, which Common confirmed for all those present. This track has easily the album's most flaccid beat (bad Kanye!). But live, it is less frustrating, as Common's powerful voice takes over most of the time. All in all, Be is a must get for rap fans looking for something good to feel good to. Common's a motivational speaker without the cheeseyness or the pretentious nature.

Purposely Horrible Title of the Day: Crash is a 15 car pileup of fun!

2005-05-24T23:34:00.000-04:00

Crash, a film about how racist Los Angeles (being representational of the rest of the world) is, surprisingly enough reminds me of a disturbing PSA I was shown in junior high during "Cultural Awareness Week." In the PSA, there was a screwed up message that bigotry is prevalent in everybody. People walked down sidewalks of a suburban community chanting "I'm a bigot, can you dig it? Everybody hates somebody!" It was one of the few things that stuck from my junior high school education, and for the most part, it's the most hammered in message of Crash.

The film deals with a laundry list of racist stereotypes through an even longer cast list of well known actors and actresses. Throughout the movie, intricacies of how people percieve other races (and how they think they percieve other races) are brought out very well. Complaints have been abundant about how forced the morals and the results of the movie are done, but in all seriousness, I don't think you can deal with this kind of a topic any other way. The country is still in serious denial about it's racism, and any naysaying about the subject will make people react awkwardly. You might feel awkward about how the movie displays it's own moral fiber, but that's the point. You might not really know yourself yet.

After The Fourth Day

2005-05-24T15:05:00.000-04:00

Season Finale of the 4th Season of 24. Monday May 23rd, 2004 8PM FOX.

With two hours left to tie up so many loose threads, fans had to expect some expert weaving from Kiefer Sutherland and the rest of the cast of 24. There was a nuclear warhead in the air, Tony Almeida was kidnapped by long term B villain Mandy, Habib Marwan (the man behind it all) was on the run, and the Chinese had a serious bone to pick with a covert ops mission that CTU staged upon their consulate. Everybody had their A game acting, for a show like 24, at least. Chloe O'Brien, (Mary Lynn Rajksub), everybody's favorite personality disorder bearing CTU agent, hit all of her notes right in order to annoy and protect and serve. The scenes where super agent Jack Bauer and ex-president David Palmer talk to each other show an energy that dates back to the beginnings of a show that took this season to change a lot of things, and in their final moments talking to each other (supposedly for a long time) we see the talents of Kiefer Sutherland and Dennis Haysbert shine strong like stainless steel. With the twists and the turns, the season ended correctly with a near perfect (note the horrible CGI in one scene that is unmistakable) epic. Who knows how 24 will look next season, but I think we can trust that it will still be quality.